“I Love You, Phillip Morris” Review

Disclaimer: This is not a movie about cigarettes, stupid.

            Four questions, Randomites: Did you grow up in the 90’s? Do you have entire sections of dialogue from various Jim Carrey movies memorized? Did you ever speak to someone with your ass? Do you still speak to people with your ass?  Good. Me too. I was kind of worried that I might still be the only one who does that. I know Grandma sure doesn’t appreciate it, but she’s got to get with the times.

"Captain America: The First Avenger" Review

   

        Well, Randomites, it’s summer again. That time of the year were everything is bright, sunny and alive and all anyone can talk about is how hot it is and how sweaty their sacks are. While most of us are content to hide in our homes with the AC blasting, eating Spaghettios while watching Spongebob with no pants on (…really? Just me?), Hollywood realizes that summer is the perfect time to release their big budget blockbusters, usually chock full of heroes, explosions, boobs and exploding boobs. Hollywood knows that people love these sorts of movies. Hell, look at everything Michael Bay has ever done.

"X-Men: First Class" Review

   Let me lay this on the line, folks. I. Love. The. X-Men. I’ve always been a Marvel freak and I spent many, many Sunday mornings in my childhood glued to my TV, waiting for some of that sweet, sweet classic 90’s X-Men. I had piles of comics and action figures (some of which I still have and keep hidden in my secret box under the stai….dammit, now you all know...) and even now, as a 24-year-old millionaire, yacht owner and international man of mystery, I still read the comics, watch the movies and wear the shirts. There’s nothing wrong with being a man child. Aren’t nerds supposed to be chic right now?

"The Hangover 2" Review

    Everyone knows and understands the notion of “What happens in Vegas, stays in
Vegas”. This phrase encapsulates the whole idea behind Sin City and gives everyone the
idea that this brightly lit desert oasis is a place specifically meant for behaving badly and
burning shit down. If you follow this simple “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” mantra then no one
ever needs to know that you killed a hooker (excuse me, Working Lady) while septum-
deep in a pile of Bolivian marching powder. It’s Vegas, baby!

"Thor" Review

        
            Everyone who loves comics has at least one favorite character. It’s the one character you’ll defend to the death in an argument with other comic book nerds that will eventually lead to bloodshed, broken glasses and a suspended D&D game. It may be your favorite character from your childhood, or maybe you only recently started paying attention to comics and found one you like (or you claim to ironically enjoy them, in which case you’re a hipster bastard and I don’t want you reading this).

“Paul” Movie Review

     

       Hello, Randomites, and welcome to the first installment of the what the random Movie Review, where we will examine, argue about and then over-analyze current and past releases. These reviews and articles will cover a wide range of films and, while we will happily take suggestions for movies we should write about, we’re probably still going to do whatever the hell we want. Anyways, I’m the one with the keyboard. Mr. WTR just spends all of his time on his throne made of skulls, playing with his pet snow leopards Conan and Thundarr and yelling at the servants about why Back to the Future is the greatest trilogy of all time and explaining why he won’t give any of them raises or let them leave the house. He’s a meany.
Now, we know that most of you come to WTR to get your daily dose of weird and probably stalk one another just a little bit (it’s ok, everyone does it, so don’t deny it), but we figured adding some more content to the site might make it that much more interesting and, in the process, pick up some more subscribers.
     

     These reviews are intended to just be fun and entertaining, not serious or long, drawn out and in depth discussions about the political, social and economic situations or theories that movies sometimes lend themselves to. Nope, not us. We here at WTR are made of classier stuff and we prefer the finer things in films, such as boobs, explosions, Kurt Russell, gun fights, gun fights involving dinosaurs and fart jokes *places monocle in left eye socket and swirls brandy sifter full of grape Kool-Aid*. Now then, let’s begin...